Happiness two ways

“It’s 1992. I’m in Genoa on the hunt for pesto.” I tell my family. “We can’t find the restaurant in our guidebook so we ask this man for directions.”

“And it turns out he is the owner,” my daughter rolls her eyes. “I know, I know Mom. We’ve heard the story, like a thousand times.”

Fair enough.

In my defence, we are eating spaghetti with a zesty pesto I made with the Genovese basil from my garden. With the fragrant plates in front of us, it was the perfect setting to reminisce about my youthful backpacking story. My family was forced to travel along with me.

Granted the story is more beneficial for me. I get a nice mood boost from a good dose of nostalgia (which is scientifically proven as we know from The Art of Making Memories).

That rosy feeling can also be a coping mechanism (let’s say if there was a global pandemic) to feel a sense of connection with your past and the people you shared those experiences with. Whether it’s reliving a trip or indulging in the comfort of a favourite movie or pastime, Nostalgia can cheer you up. In this National Geographic article, psychologist Hal Macdonald suggests focusing on what is called reflective nostalgia, which “savours the past with the full knowledge that it is, in fact, past, and can never be relived again.”

The big bushel of basil also transported me back to my carefree twenties when I was living in Ottawa with two wonderful roommates. I often carried home bundles of basil from the Byward Market, a relaxing weekend pastime for me. Our large kitchen with its cold linoleum floors was the backdrop for whirring up pesto, rolling triangle stuffed phyllo pastries and other culinary adventures for elaborate dinner parties.

All these warm memories from a bushel of basil.

Reminiscing is nice, and so is the flip side, anticipating an experience.

I always enjoy the process of planning a trip and immersing myself in a new destination, studying maps and perusing restaurants menus. I am happy simply thinking about the trip. Well before it starts. I would argue, this joy of expectation, holds true even if I don’t end up taking the trip.

Elizabeth Dunn, a professor of social psychology at the University of British Columbia, calls it “happiness in the bank.” She has real life experience on the topic, in addition to being an expert on well being. Not even a tiger shark could take away the happiness she felt in the months leading up to her trip to Hawaii. This reminded me of my Hawaii experience. Sort of. I don’t have scars from a shark attack. I didn’t even dip my toe in the ocean. We had to cancel our trip, but I still enjoyed planning and dreaming about our family vacation to Oahu (and I’ll be prepared when the opportunity presents another time…I have my notes).

Anticipation is a free from of happiness, the one that’s least vulnerable to things going wrong.

Elizabeth Dunn, professor of social psychology at the University of British Columbia
(Susan Rosenbloom, Alone Time: Four Seasons, Four Cities and the Pleasures of Solitude, The Art of Anticipation)

According to another social psychology study, people tend to view positive experiences (like a trip) a little more positive before and after the experience, compared to real-time. This is referred to as “rosy prospection” and “rosy retrospection”. As Susan Rosenbloom points out in her book Alone Time, the key to having the best time during your trip is to be flexible and not wedded to your preplanned itinerary so you allow yourself to be in the moment.

With real-time travel not possible now (or for the foreseeable future) I find comfort in these two armchair travelling options: reminiscing and anticipating.

There are all sorts of ways to nudge these feelings, like preparing a favourite dish from a past trip and reliving the memories (you might even convince your family to join you if the dish is tasty enough). To inspire future travels, I love watching a movie or reading a book that takes place in a destination on my travel list.

These are trips I will take. Regularly.

Sure, it would be nice to have the real-time option. But on the bright side, these travels are less hassle and I can fit them easily into my schedule. No packing required. In fact, my mind might find these experiences more enjoyable than the real thing.

That’s entirely up to me.