Look behind

I went for a walk after dinner last week. The air was wonderfully warm. Tranquil. The crickets chirped. So lovely was the evening I was actually telling myself to be present and savour it. I wanted to imprint the end of summer feeling in my memory bank so that I could recall it on a cold wintery day. (As you can see, it does not come naturally for me to be present so I need to remind myself!)

In front of me fairy lights twinkled in the distance. I stopped and admired the pretty view. I was about to take another step forward. Instead, I paused. I turned and looked behind me.

The view was even more stunning.

A pink hue illuminated the clouds as the sun set. The dazzling sky gave the water a rosy glow. It looked like a dreamy watercolour.

Would I have turned around had I been in a rush? Not likely. I needed first to stand still. To stay in one place long enough to turn around. Only then could I take in the view behind me.

A couple days later I read a passage that talked about this idea of “look behind”. But “look behind” referred to one’s past. The writer insisted it is only with a tranquil mind that someone takes the time to look at their past. To review their own experiences to learn from them, both the good and the bad.

The words were written by the Stoic philosopher Seneca. The ancient Stoics believed that if we have the essentials (food, water, shelter, clothing) we can develop our inner selves to endure and accept what life throws at us. Stoics reframe challenges as opportunities to grow and learn and implore us to focus our energy on our own actions, rather than wasting it on external events beyond our control.

The essay I was reading talked about another type of waste: wasting time. Time, according to Seneca, is our most valuable resource. Yet we fill our lives with distractions, stresses, “idleness” and “useless tasks”. We put off the things we really want to do for another day. A day that may not come. The essay On the Shortness of Life is an urgent reminder to use our time wisely.

It is not that we have a short time to live but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it is well-invested. But when it is wasted on heedless luxury and spent on no goal activities we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is we are not given a short life but make it short, and we are not ill supplied but wasteful of it.

Seneca, On the Shortness of Life

Oomph. Seneca would not be impressed with the popcorn crumbs on my shirt after an idle night of Netflix. Or the embarrassing amount of time I spend reading about places to eat in Madrid. I doubt I will ever get to a stage where I can say each minute of my day is well-invested. But it does make me think about not putting off things that matter to me.

Let me return to this idea of “look behind”. It comes in a passage where Seneca is scolding the “preoccupied” person for wasting time. He says they rush through their days, bounce from one thing to another and never focus. They do not take time to reflect and learn from their past. They barely tune in to the present which by nature is short and hard to grasp, but even harder if you are distracted.

In the present we have only one day at a time, each offering a minute at a time. But all the days of the past will come to your call: you can detain and inspect them at your will – something which the preoccupied have no time to do. It is the mind which is tranquil and free from care which can roam through all the stages of life: the minds of the preoccupied, as if harnessed in a yoke, cannot turn around and look behind them.

Seneca, On the Shortness of Life

Like the earlier passage and many others in this short essay, it’s hard to understand its full meaning on first reading. Or second or third. I am still lingering on his words. There was a time when I barely looked left or right before crossing an intersection as I dashed from Union Station to my office, let alone looked behind. I am thankful I can take more leisurely strolls now. And on this evening under the pink hued sky I am glad I paused.

It allowed me to look behind.