A crafty lesson

I have been making notebooks lately. Thanks to the Globe and Mail craft club. It was an enjoyable way to spend an hour on a Tuesday evening as Catalina Sanchez shared her step by step instructions on how to craft homemade notebooks. Ever since I have been stitching together these little notepads with random paper I have in the house.

I tend to go through phases with making crafts. A few years ago I was obsessed with sewing tote bags. I had discovered an old sewing machine in my family, a 1954 Singer. It’s a dapper little machine, shiny black with ornate gold trim, that folds neatly into a carrying case. After a quick servicing the motor hummed steadily as I stitched bag after bag. Pat, pat, pat, pat. I had one basic design and altered the size, pockets, and fabric combinations. Everyone in my family got a ‘custom’ tote bag that year for Christmas or birthday (whether they wanted it or not) and at the office all the women who went on maternity leave got a diaper bag (owl and elephant patterns are particularly adorable).

My husband, perplexed that our spare room was filling up with sewing equipment and stacks of fabric, asked me one day: “Why are you making all these bags?”

I hadn’t given it any thought. I was simply sewing for fun I surmised. With a bit of reflection however, I realized there was another motivation. Control. It was entirely up to me to create and finish the bag. My sewing frenzy was an antidote for my job, at that time, where I felt like nothing ever got finished. I didn’t have control over my projects.

I had not heard of the Greek philosopher Epictetus at that time, but reading Eric Weiner’s book I recently learned the philosophy of Stoicism is all about control: “Some things are up to us and some things are not.” Naturally there’s an ancient Greek word for this concept that is not easy to translate or pronounce: eph’emin. It’s loosely translated as “dichotomy of control”.

Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

Epictetus, Enchiridion (loosely translated as Small Manual or A Handbook), 1st or 2nd century AD

We may not have control over what happens in the world around us, but we do have control over our response. That’s what matters according to the Stoics. Our reaction.

So when your boss re-assigns your project or a driver cuts you off or your plans are unexpectedly cancelled, it’s your response that matters.

The word “stoic” today suggests suppressing your feelings, but that’s not what the ancient philosophy teaches. Stoics will frame these events as a challenge, a test sent by the Stoic Gods to help you learn and grow. It’s not enough to keep your cool. Stoics will find a workaround to the problem. And keep calm while doing so.

Stoics embrace joy and positive emotions, but it’s the bad feelings, like anger and frustration, that cause us grief. It’s a waste of time to dwell on these things you can’t control.

Choosing to let go of what you can’t control is a gift to your body and soul

Action for Happiness, December 15, 2020

A colleague of mine shared some advice years ago that stuck with me. We were having lunch and I no doubt was complaining endlessly about my job. Over Piri Piri chicken he said, “Even if I am in a role I don’t like, or have a bad manager, there’s still something I can learn.” He was always looking for the lesson in the good and bad experiences. Very wise. Stoic even. I on the other hand, un-stoically channeled my disappointment into making tote bags.

It’s difficult to “let go”. I am definitely no Stoic. As I learned from Aristotle though, life is a project, and I would like to try to apply these Stoic lessons more often. I know I feel better when I do not fret about things beyond my control. This is one of the reasons I don’t read the news in the evening as it disrupts my sleep.

I make notebooks instead! While I figure out how to be more stoic, it’s nice to have an activity I can control.

And it’s fun to do crafts. That’s a good reason. Period. All the Globe and Mail livestream sessions are recorded if you are looking for some fresh craft ideas.

My stack of DIY notebooks is growing. Apologies family, you can guess what you’re getting for your birthday or any random special occasion. Pen not included.

Quotes from key stoic philosophers:

There are more things [Lucilius] likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.

Seneca, Roman Stoic philosopher, c. 4 BC – 65 AD, Letters from Seneca, # 13 on Groundless Fears

What upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgment about these things.

Epictetus, Greek Stoic philosopher, c. 50 – c. 135 AD, Enchiridion

You have the power over your mind not outside events, realize this and you will find strength.

Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor (from 161 to 180) and Stoic philosopher, 121 – 180 AD, Meditations